|Posted by Haruka Flare Akizuki on October 26, 2010 at 1:56 AM|
"Come on! Move on, girl!" or "It's too late to regret the past."
These are the common lines I get when they heard of my sad love story. I would not really say "love story" since there was never us. It's more like a one-sided love. The worst part of this one-sided love story is that I'm still waiting for him for 12 years or so. I wonder how it all began. When did I feel this feeling? What will happen if I still remain by his side?
"It's no use crying over spilled milk."
How true... How true... There's nothing I can do. It's also my fault. One of my friends is angry with this guy even though she has not met him because this certain guy hurt me. I told her that it’s not his fault but she felt that way and there's no use turning it all back.
I wonder how he is now. What is he doing right now? Does he ever think of me?
"He doesn't care about you right now. You're just part of his past."
Sad but true. It’s no use holding on to something that wasn't there in the first place.
"Just look at what you've been doing to yourself. You're miserable."
I know. But it's hard getting over someone, especially, if you've been friends since high school.
"Crying won't solve anything."
That's why I'm doing my best to communicate with him.
"But he doesn't reply to your e-mails or comments in facebook. That means, he doesn't give a damn about you."
I guess you're right.
"If I'm going to make a scene about your position, you think you're following him in a thorny road where you're being wounded. Even though you're in pain, you’re still following him. Some friends of yours, who really cares, kept on calling your name and telling you that there's a safer road but you kept on following your own illusion."
Ugh! My friends are right. This is all my illusion.
"Without you, his world will keep on turning. He doesn't really mind."
I guess your right.
"That's right. Keep crying. Tomorrow, you'll feel better."
Maybe. But this is me now. I feel terrible. After 12 years, I'm still following this illusion. I should be out there and following a safer road. Now that I have stopped, I can feel the pain. I should have listened long ago when I wasn't this deep.
“That’s right. If you keep on doing the same thing over and over again then you’ll end up losing yourself. You have to change.”
But I can’t just change myself. It’s hard but I’ll try. I have to move on. Now, I see myself walking farther away from an illusion and to the safer road but I still have wounds.
“Like they say, time can heal all wounds.”
But time can never heal all scars.
“The important part of this is that you’re moving on.”
If ever I see him…
“You’re still thinking of your encounter with him?”
I am but I just hope that I have moved on when I see him or I will be following him again through the thorny roads.
“Don’t think about that. We’ll be here. Your friends will help you. As long as you promise to move on and forget about him.”
I can never forget him but I can always forget this feeling that I have felt for him.
“What are you going to do now? How are you going to forget him?”
That’s the part that I haven’t figured out. The only way for a person who fell in love to move on is to find her cure.
“Cure? What do you mean cure?”
To find someone who can replace that person.
“You don’t need a cure for that heartache. All you need is motivation.”
Motivation is not enough. But I should shrug the idea of having a cure because I know that from now on, I’ll be alone forever. Cure will not come to me. He will never will.
“Have faith. You know that can come. This world has many mysteries and possibilities. He might come.”
Might come. But for now, I have to do this on my own. But I know that you will help me. Maybe, my friends are the cure and not another man. I will do my best to forget him little by little just for those who care for me.