Inner Redmoon

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I'm Afraid

Posted by Haruka Flare Akizuki on September 6, 2012 at 11:45 PM

Right now, my anxiety levels are extremely high, thanks to that upcoming exam. Why? I'm afraid I'll fail. My mom expects a lot from me and I expect a lot from myself. You see, I think that I'm getting old and I should keep on going for my goals as fast as I can with no room for failure. I know that that's wrong but once you reach the age of 25 and there's no improvement in your life that's when you think about going fast track.

I have already sacrificed a lot and I don't know what to do now. I'm afraid that I'll fail. I don't want to fail. Even if I study, my brain won't let me absorb everything or anything. My brain is tired. I kept on reading the same thing again and again but I keep on failing my practice exams.

I'm tired.

I'm fed up.

but I don't want to give up.

but I'm afraid.

What should I do?

Can somebody tell me what to do?

Failure...

Words swim in my mind over and over. You might think that I lack self-confidence. I will tell you now. You're right. I have always think of myself as inferior to those around me. I keep on thinking of my achievements but I would tell myself that they were only average.

How many times do I have to fail in order to get to my goal?

I have failed a lot of times but I'm hoping that I wouldn't fail this time. This is just my first step to my dream so failing this one seems to upset me. I might become depressed.

My mother told me that I'm getting old since I'm already stressed. Old people get stressed. Children live a carefree life. How I wish I could be carefree again.

What should I do?

I'm afraid.

It's coming. I know I should be brave but I'm still doubting my abilities.

Give me strength to make my dreams come true.

Categories: feelings

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