Inner Redmoon

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Love: A War of Theories and Emotions

Posted by Haruka Flare Akizuki on February 14, 2012 at 6:35 PM

Have you ever experience the so called "love" people talks about? Okay. Most of the time, when you watch a scenario in television or movies in any genre, you have seen romantic love over and over again and I have noticed that it is hard to give up once you have felt it.


I know that you might think that I haven't fallen in love yet and that the certain artist that I keep on pointing out is out of infatuation or just a joke. I am telling you guys, I am dead serious about this guy.


I have tried to think that there is no way that I will meet this guy and there is no way that he will notice me but somehow, deep inside my heart I can feel the yearning.


This is not the first time I have felt this though. The first time was with my friend who, sadly, didn't return my love because... well... I ran away from him before knowing his answer. (I have this feeling that he would not return my feeling too.)


I haven't had a boyfriend ever since I was born so I do not know how to act in terms of this feeling. So, honestly I have tried to fall out of love on my own. I was thinking of things in a negative way.


What can I do? I am afraid of it.


Honestly, I think of myself as unattractive and ugly. Not to mention my fats. (wahahaha...220 lbs and still growing... XD) So, I don't  think that someone would be interested in me and making myself falling out of love is always a solution.


I was successful on my first attempt. It's all in the past. This time, it's hard.


I wonder if it's his charms or his looks but I think this is what they called "love at first sight" or something. In my anime's live-action, I saw him for the first time. I shook the idea but I have to "sigh" admit it. You can fool anyone but not yourself, right? Eversince that moment, I can't keep him off my mind. Even if I am busy with work and school, the very thought of him just makes me happy.


But thinking about it sometimes, I lose hope because he is too far away and he is an actor so it is kinda impossible.


But my heart thinks that it can be possible for some unknown reason.


It is hard to choose between my theories and my heart.


In the end, I consider what my heart tells me and hope that my heart is doing the right thing. If this leads to heart break then there's nothing I could do. I will not regret such choice.  But what do I know about the future.


If ever I fell out of love, at least, I could say that I waited for him for a long time. (A year and still counting. Can you see how crazy I am?)


For now, I focus on my important routines and use him as my inspiration. I just hope you won't judge me for this. You might call me ambitious but I am only following what my heart tells me to do. This time, I am not running away.

Categories: opinion, experience

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